really nice post

India described ....

Irony

from India Uncut
Reuters reports:

A 21-year-old German tourist who wanted to visit his girlfriend in the Australian metropolis Sydney landed 13,000 kilometers (8,077 miles) away near Sidney, Montana, after mistyping his destination on a flight booking Web site.

what can i say......

Happens again

You cherish friends...

It takes a lot to make a friend emotionally and time wise.......

But then time comes where you need to part... it hurts..

happens every year or so nowadays.. but still it is not easy to handle

lets see...

another uncle

a good friend of mine has become an uncle 2 days back... must be a great feeling!!
2 people that i am very close to now... have a nephew and a niece

Scared

I am scared... yes I am......

For me I just cant make friends and be superficial about it... especially those who stay near me....
that takes a lot of effort... if anybody has a small issue... i feel like i should do something for them.....its really becoming very difficult for me to .. and i over do it..

Moreover.... i am always interested in knowing what they think abt me.......and i attach significance to small things and interpret as i please and put pressure on myself for trivial things.....

I dont know how to address it... i know you need human attachment and friendship ... but do i overdo it... the answer is "I dont know"... but i intend to work at it....

lets see how far that works...........

great 3 days..

it has been fun for the last 3 days.....

we had fun playing games like mafia, kaali tikki.... and of course the discussions.. we visited enchanted rock and pedarnales again.......

it was actally the first trip i went with austin junta without vikas.............

however.... everything that happens still leaves so many questions unanswered and kinda scares you.... But you see... life has to move and it will.....

time is coming close for me to put in a n honest effort at work.... i hope i can do a good job....

interestingly true....

"Leo moon personalities can be extremely stubborn. They have purpose, determination, and tenacity when it comes to getting what they want. Strongly idealistic, they are capable of great personal sacrifice for causes in which they passionately believe. Even when presented with irrefutable evidence that their idealism or loyalty has been misguided, they may find it difficult to move on. They are very assertive when it comes to protecting not only their own freedom but also the rights and freedom of others. They have a jealous nature, though they are not particularly possessive. When a romance ends, they are more apt to suffer from a wounded ego than a broken heart. They are likely to have artistic talent, or at least great interest in art, architecture, and design. "

http://www.0800-horoscope.com/moonsigns/leo.html

the artist

"If a statement of excellence is needed then it came in the spell of three balls sent down during the Perth Test match in 2000 against the West Indies. First he exploited Sherwin Campbell's habit of shuffling across his crease with an outswinger pitched to a fuller length than usual. Lara appeared. he adjusted his line, slightly reduced his length and cut the ball across the left-hander. Lara disappeared. Jimmy Adams came next. It must have been tempting to try the same ball. After all he was on a hat-trick and it had been good enough for Lara. But Adams's weaknesses were different. He knew that he squared up against lifting deliveries directed at his body. Of course pinpoint precision was needed.

His hat-trick was amongst the best Test cricket has known. Every ball was superbly conceived and executed. It was a definitive moment, a satisfying and conclusive demonstration of the abilities that have set him apart." from cricinfo.com

to do that you need to be a great artist.. and without doubt "Glen McGrath" is

Hmmm

Your love life will be happy and harmonious

i wish it were

Kite Runner

A very nice book.....

made me feel a lot better for various reasons......

reading it enabled me realize exactly what i felt for a thing i did..... it is my mistake and i need to own up for that..... but i have to live with it... at least knowing exactly what is the mistake makes it a little better......... anyway..

i am so happy i started reading books.... You learn a lot in your life and i am realizing books are a very important part of it.. and moreover it puts in perspective what you are doing.... there are way more important things than "research" in life...... Well..........

I wish i could write.... i have thousands of thoughts flowing in my mind and i just cant write them..............................................


anyway....................

sreesanth

man... i have never seen an Indian sledging.......
and man.... he is not only sledging when bowling......... but he was sledging when he was batting.....

that was awesome...... he hit a six... oh dear... it was simply hilarious..... lets see how he will bowl......

can i understand ?

no...

i just cant ... why!!!!!

its so weird.... and i dont know what to do....

anyway!!!

a full circle

i think a complete circle has been completed of 1 1/2 years......

If you stay at a place for a long time... esp when you are doing phd.....
life goes on in circles......

i think another one of those is completing.......

will have to start fresh again... and i better do it fast............

whats wrong with me?

why!!!!!

1 1/2 h rs.. why man.. why me...

i still dont know....

God!!!!

Being alone in office

Very soon I will have to get used to being alone in office....

Well... not that that is something new to me... but still it needs getting used to......

Lets see.........

another semester

another semester is over......

it feels good to finish 5 semesters at Ut... at the sametime... it reminds me of the fact that i dont have many more left here........

lets see......

Kumble.....

"If each of his team-mates had that town-sized heart and unflinching desire to win, India would hardly ever lose a game."

so true dude.... about Kumble........

hats off man!!

dynamics

there are some dynamic i notice and feel there is nothing odd about it..... but those are things.. that i cant stand... may be because of the conservative background i am from.... or whatever....

i wont to be able to stand them.... i just hope i would not have to.......

interesting tour diary

Ashes.... one of the greatest cricketing contests.......

ranks up there..

india Vs pak...
West indies Vs Australia (in the past!!)
England Vs Australia
Australia Vs New Zealand....

i think are the most popular match ups..where loosing a match is sacrilege ...

ashes is going on.....

australia won 2 matches... esp the second one was too much.. from a position where draw was the only result... they won..... simply amazing... i mean ... you ave to admit it..they are damn good.. and what more Ponting is in the form of his lufe and i am confident he will cross Sachin's 35 record in the series.. well i admit.. i want him to do that.... at least one record without sachin's name... well anyway...

then as i was reading.......online papers... i saw an interesting article by giles..... a diary fo what all he went through... he dropepd a catch.... he is one of those cricketers who is not good enough to be a domestic bowler.. but because of his work ethic and hard work.. has played so many matches for England... though there are days where it is necessary to acept thefact that work ethic is not enough... monty is a better bowler.. and has chances of developing into a great one.. he has the potential.. so its time the english realsie it and start encouraging him.. by discouraging him.. tey are using a bowler who si not capable and the same time destroying monty's confidece... so 2 bad things!!

but... i pity Giles.. i would have loved to have him play.. bcos he gives more than 100% and is a fighter... the kind i love..... you might not be good enough to win.. but fight for it is my way of looking at life..... read this by giles... to see what all a cricketer has to go thru...

blogging................

well... its close to 2 years since I started blogging......

I was not the blogging kind... but once you start... there is no looking back....

interestingly my first year as a blogger produced just 22 posts..... and well... by the second year it all exploded ... i posted 180 in my second year........

i think its due to the fact that i feel more uninhibited..may be.... but most likely it is a sign of the insecurity i feel since May... the reasons evident to me...

looking back at the posts the increased number of posts have coincided with the days i will never forget....

i have not yet recovered form the shock i received....... i know i am strong enough to fight it.... but still it affects me...... i can see the changes in me....... i hate the fact that there are days.... where i dont know whats gonna happen.. the sense of security so evident in my life earlier is not there....... I admit it was my fault... i was the one who failed in my responsibility....

but time has come where i have to move on with life..... there is nothing more i can gain by feeling bad about it........ i know what will happen to me.... i dont know how.....but i am preparing myself to live my life not as i dreamed.....but as it will be....... i have to adapt.... no point in dreaming when things wont happen ........

well... anyway..... i thought of a nice idea....summarizing my life over the last year...... in a post...
well well... so... the next post ...sometime later.......

grow up

i need to grow up!!!!!!!!

why!! why the hell am I more worried about others than my life.. when .. when will you learn..its your damn life.. live it for yourself... please.........

why.......................

why the hell was my responsibility!!!!!!

why do i worry about all the damn guys.. n in the end up as i have done something wrong and have to hear some crap!!!

utterly useless!!

So close yet so far

i have completed my coursework for this semester... i still have a final.... I am not the kind who cares a lot about grades.... may be I know I cant egt all the top grades.... so I feel (to keep myself happy) grades are not important... so I kinda get a hang of the subject and thats all matters.... may be I am wrong....... but i dont care.........

finally I also sent the report... a ..just... 224 page report that our group has worked on for 3 months..... i was the lead for that and man was it painful.......... but now... may be.. only may be.... i have the patience to write long reports..... i dont know.....but still.....

Also..... this would be the last of mys ems with 3 courses.... so finishing it is good....

may be i can concentrate more on research.....

also i need to get some research work done....... a lot of it....

i have to develop a web survey....... man!!

tomorrow..... will be the 4 th graduation ceremony i am attending...... 2 of my very nice friends..... one of whose company i already miss and the others i will miss very soon.... will be graduating and walking.... i will take the role fo the official photographer........

and most importantly i need to work this break... plz...i need to........!!!!!!!!

200th for real....

i had psoted something twice... so this happens to be my 200th post [:D]

my 200th post

well... my 200th had to be about soemthing i feel passionately about....

well now i know what it is..... it is about applying to universities in the US.. an dthe way its handled... i always ahd problems with high CG peoiple thinking only about themselves and not people below them.... agreed you have high cg.. you have the right... but still you will not loose anything by thinking about your fellow classmates......common give them a chance!!!! thats all i ask......

morning blues

somedays you get up and realize you are in a really bad mood....

the reason.. well.. someti9mes its just getting up..its just liek that..... but sometimes.... the previous night things cause it.......

dont know how to change it though... which makes it really painful.....

interesting

some people....... like you.. are concerned about you.... but still... you cant stand them for extended periods.... not that you dont respect them or something.... its something that gets to you...


and then ... there are some people....... who are more concerned abt themselves and are not worried about people around them... still they are the more attractive type...... why??
is it because the grass is greener on the other side.. the person who cares for you will care for you anyway... so why bother about him/her..... hmmm... well... i dont know ...... its a very interesting question.,.... anyway....

i know the answer is less than a month away.... so i will wait .........

other things....

had a nice party.... were able to surprise the person for whom we hosted it.... it made me feel happy...

Winter is here...............

winter is here in austin....
its getting below 0.......

i have meetings to work on......... hope i will get work done!!!!!

The camping trip

was an awesome trip.... was meaning to write something.... but not been able to get the time to put forward what and how i felt..

it was great..... the trip allowed me to look at various things.... the nature was awesome.... got to know people with whom i havent spent any time earlier.... which i felt was interesting and encouraging .......... the time also enabled me to observe certain things about people i know.... may be things that were more assuring in some sense.......

during and after the trip.... i had some interesting discussions.... those related to my conservative background and relatively new liberal outlook towards life.... still i find it really difficult to bring about a radical change..... but i am progressing... but my doubt is am i progressing a little faster than required .... anyway..... i dont think its very important....

until the next trip and until.......... the next good time......

comments :D

GK

"Thank you all for making this a very wonderful and memorable trip.......awesome fun...... hiking, canoeing, getting-stuck-in-a-bath-tub-in-the-middle of-the-lake, me flying at night matrix ishtyle ;), naveen's aakaashvaani,barbecued chicken, movies, and finally discovering the purpose of life (i am still searching for mine though...couldn't hear all the gyaan that was being passed around).... and if the drive wasn't exciting enough, I can always take longer naps at the wheel while driving than I did today :D
We have enough raw photographic footage for the next Krishnarjuna productions blockbuster which should be coming to a screen near you very soon :)
gk

p.s.where are we going next spring break ? :) "

Psycho
"Hi,
I am also glad tht I made it to the trip....inspite of the initial apprehensions.....By the way in case anyone needs to discuss serious fundas of life you know whom to meet, and in case you need some fundas on pschotic tendencies my phone no. is

512-879-8362.......

In the end please repeat after me( if possible with heads on floor and feet in air!!!!!)

Baba Naam KEVALAAM!!!!! "

Julie
"I was out of the loop :( and was not getting the mails. (consider this as Sontee's senti)

But just wanted to say a proper good bye...actually who am I kidding I was really hoping that we would be back late and would have to extend our trip by one more day and then one more and then--- oh fine I just didn't want this trip to end.

it was just "too much"

Things that were promised and never delivered to us were some item numbers that we didn't get to see.

Hope those promises will be fullfilled and hence---

~ Chinta atta chita chita chinta atta taaaa ~"

Jilebi
"

thanks people for the wonderful time.... hope the good times keep coming... and more
importantly my sleeping bag got exchanged with someone else's....if you feel the same way
about your sleeping bag...then i think we should meet sometime....

Get ready for the bills and also all the best for the remaining part of the semester"

regardless of whether or not you have a purpose in life.... just get an A...

Thakur Saheb
" Awesome trip freinz....i am still not out of the memories of that foggy morning....n that BBQ chicken...n that life threatning canoeing wid sontii....n those hot pizzas...n that halfway hiking....n the movie votings (all crap...all predecided :P)....that unquestionable navigation by me (he he he).....Harry dude ki fishing (known to only a few of us ;))...............................................................overall...awesome trip........thanx for making it too fun n adventurous..... 

I am still working on my purpose of life...to somehow save my khoon pasine ki kamaii frm shalu....gud suggestion are most welcomed.....

bye

Ankur"

Aarti
"baba naam kevalam!!!!

hope nobody had a sleepless night, after deprivation of sleeping bags, rowing sores, prickly wounds, lost purposes in life, fear of falling/someone else falling, orchestra bands playing, et al

and now that everyone is fresh...following in footsteps of the wonderful trip let us have a formal ending to it with lunch.....i will finalise the cuisine, venue, time (tentative 1300-1330) and will give a call....now that i have the 'much required' phone number also.

see you all soon."

Sneha
"hieee ppl... WONDERFUL TRIP... came soooo close to missing it...so glad I was more fortunate than that... right from the super theme song of the trip... to the thorn filled jungle trek... the bath-tub action to the more relaxed barbeque khaana... the calmness of the lake to the super 'what movie to watch' hungama... the serious discussions about life to the PJ sessions... the trip could not have been more fulfilling n fun...

hope more such good times lay ahead of us :))!

Sneha

PS: Vikas ur sleeping bag is with me... i'll wash it n give to Akansha... the sleeping that you have is actually Akansha's... so I guess you can settle the exchange with her..."

Yours Truly
"

thanks junta for the nice fun :D

just a compilation of my favourite nick names.... for the sake of documentation :D

jilebi aka vikas

psycho aka srikanth

julie aka sonti

.............

all tose who are still unnamed.... dont worry.. we will have more trips and so more names coming out

naveen"

Deepak
"Hey Alll,

Thanks Doods and Dudettes for allllllll the fun. I am indebted to Naveen Eluru for inviting me over to the trip and all others for allowing me to join.

Had fun with everybody and all the stuff mentioned in previous e-mails, in addition to the "queueing process" at the bathroom door, under the vigilance of Aarti which was not vigilant enough to manage Shalu. A forgotten nickname...

Varun aka useless...

Thanks all and hope to c u again soon,
Deepak."

Harry dude

Yo All,

It was indeed a fabulous 2 days and nights. The gang was cool, fun filled and enthusiastic.

Summarizing the highlights thatz stuck in my mind:

- I was too sleepy to remember much on the onward journey. Shalu playing Anthakshari with herself and janta giving her company.

- Finding the Lakehouse and not finding the keys.

- Janta Ke Awaz - host Vikas. Capturing the voices/opinions of ordinary people to move (a gang) the trip ahead.

- Movie Lakshya when we all really didn't want to be doing anything or getting anywhere. Ofcourse Hrithik dominates where ever.

- Aarti: Kya kar rahen ho aap.

-???: Became Naveen's sleep to death as his heart skipped several beats. Loads of laughter following it

- Innocuous move by Ganesh perceived by Varun as a war alert and ofcourse the loads of laughter following it.

- Baba Naveen & Shri Deepak immersing themselves in the (clean) lake for purity of the body, mind and soul. Bakth Jan queueing up for their dharshan. Please contact Baba Naveen for the live footage of the event.

- N no. of 20 Questions. Sergi Bugka befooling my team.

- The hazaar fight over Swades by me. Psycho please prioritize Deepak & Julie in the list of ur murders for hiding the CD.

- Pizza and Light Sleep.

to be continued @ work ......baba naam kevalam!!!!

the trip

The trip .... was awesome.... and it was a good break ...

the cast

Me
Vikas
Deepak
GK
Srikanth
rapdas
varun
hari
ankur
aarti
shalu
sneha
sonty


more details to follow later............

hopefully

Find release from your cares, have a good time

a new one

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals ..orkut :D

Hmmm....

somedays... you realize how lonely you are in this world...

My patience levels are very low... i think at an all time low....

why should i concern myself with stuff that is so irrelevant...

i better start working !!!!!!!!

well

People find it difficult to resist your persuasive manner

i wish it was true... :D

nadal..

man he is really a nice guy.....

of course.. federer is even better champion....
so i still will cheer for fede!!!

On a different note...

I am realizing my patience is running out....... dont know what is the reason... but i just cant take it..... n it always starts bcos ........ anyway

Dosa...

had awesome dosa...it was cool...

simply too much

famous sledges... from Tim De Lisle

1 Mark Waugh to Jimmy Ormond on his Test debut, 2001: “Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England.”
Ormond: “Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my own family.”

2 Merv Hughes to Graeme Hick et al: “Mate, if you just turn the bat over you'll find the instructions on the other side.”

3 Hughes again: “Does your husband play cricket as well?”

4 Mike Atherton, on Merv Hughes: “I couldn't work out what he was saying, except that every sledge ended with ‘arsewipe’.”

5 Dennis Lillee to Mike Gatting, 1994: “Hell, Gatt, move out of the way. I can't see the stumps.”

6 Derek Randall to Lillee, after taking a glancing blow to the head: “No good hitting me there, mate, nothing to damage.”

7 Ian Healy, placing a fielder yards away at cover when Nasser Hussain was batting: “Let's have you right under Nasser's nose.”

8 Tony Greig, England’s South African-born captain, to the young David Hookes, 1977: “When are your balls going to drop, Sonny?”
Hookes: “I don't know, but at least I'm playing cricket for my own country.” Hookes hit Greig for four consecutive fours.

9 Rod Marsh, late Seventies: “How's your wife and my kids?”
Ian Botham: “The wife's fine – the kids are retarded.”

10 Bill Woodfull, Australia’s captain in the Bodyline series of 1932-33, responding to Douglas Jardine's complaint that a slip fielder had sworn at him: “All right, which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard?”

random

have an exam due soon.... need a does of caffeine before i start...

sometimes.. somethings make you feel weird... i feel such days are ending soon...

anyway....

Rest week

i am resting for this week..... so no workout.....

orkut fortune

You will have some wonderful new experiences

i did have some!!!!!!

dont know if they are wonderful!!!!!

hmmm

sometimes i just dont understand myself!!!!!!!

Weekend

inspired by the discussion with my prof.... my weekend started well ...

had to give a ppt to my prof.. sent it...
now have to study for an exam..... and work on a HW....

also help the preparation of a ppt.

and many more...

Advisor...

Man.. he is simply awesome... nothing more..nothing less!!

good times

a good friend of mine visited... it was fun catching up.. the dinner went well....

another friend got a job offer that she wanted.... i am happy for her....

As time moves on people seem to be moving on in their lives..for different reasons.. some marriage..some jobs.. some graduations.. i have been here 2.5 yrs so far........

after putting in so much into the friendships its really sad when people leave.. of course i am happy they are moving for their own goals....

anyway.. life is interesting.....

one thing is for sure.... my ability to make new friends is dwindling... in a way its good... i can focus on work ..hopefully ;)

It hits you

suddenly sometimes it hits you......... just hits you thats all........

nothing can reduce the pain... just nothing.....

dont know for how long.... and how many more times!!!

i watched HDDS when i was in +2.... i loved the "lut gaye" song..... and i like it even now....
it expresses things that I would love to express!!

........................

Code

the code is not moving.... dont know!!!

i am taking steroids... hehe.. of course legal ones for my tailbone :(

volley

man.... i could have played better......
of course... it might not have mattered.... we lost by a huge margin... but.....

Random stuff

When a friend of mine asked a question..... i laughed a whole day...... I mean..it was... at that point so hilarious... but the more I give it thought... its not the person's fault for thinking that way.... People behave weirdly and the reasons for that behavior could be arbit.. and may be its just that I dont understand the manner.........

Of course... i dont know... if what I feel is the correct way to live..... But in spite of the fact that I appreciate people being different.. there will always be certain limits within which you operate..... if you feel some person is out of those limits...then it is very difficult to handle them.... In an ideal situation I would not like to have any limits... every person can live the way they want to.... but may be the other person also should realize them and appreciate my point of view...
The way I see it... may be I am rigid... But thats how I am and may be I cant help it... of course i will admit.. i am much more flexible towards females relative to guys.... but still i am rigid!!!

I like it that way... because i draw my boundaries clear... and don't muddle up my friendships!!!
or atleast thats what I think now :D

interesting...

right when i felt.. may be time will slowly make us go in different directions....
i thought may be the person might have to move on.... with .. life....

but still its good to realize the person values me!!

small things.... but makes u happy..

at the same time.. i really find it weird with another person....

i guess.. if i cant understand for so long... may be it wanst meant to be...

anyway...

another one

another one of those arguments...

Man Vs Animal....

well.... animals..if they were smarter than us they would direct us...how to live.. its because we are smarter... we in the sense the mankind in general.. the man directed them for centuries and established his supremacy... if you cant accept it ..its outright foolish... if not more!!

a man knows when he feels cold..and he puts on 2-3 layers of clothes...... well.. an animal cant do it.. so it doesnt.. but the man knows the natural way of living is without wearing anything but a comfortable way of living it is with 3 layers of clothes and he can wear it so he does....

if u say u shudnt wear them..... which is not very different from putting on an ac when hot..or heater when cold... and u should nt do these because that will amke you weak are... if not foolish ...stupid arguments... why dont u just live on a one layer of clothing when its -5... just because you cant!!!!

so its great to say.... you are looking down on animals.. the point is not looking down on them... but directing them... which is what men does.... and if there is smarter being than man... it will direct the mankind similarly....

why ..cant we see simialr examples within mankind....
the guy who studies wants a desk job.... well... why dont u choose to be a janitor... its not chosen... because...u knwo..its not comfy!!

anyway... its better to accept the truth than being hypocritical !!!

What am I doing

I dont know...... I have to finish lots of stuff... and still havent been working!!!

I havent started work today... dont know... there are days where you feel like doing nothing

But!!! i have to egt over such days.. anyway
try now!!!!

arbit

somedays.... and esp with some people.. its not very clear.... it makes it weird.. the fact that how much you appreciate the other person.... if you do not know that.... or cannot understand that... may be there is something lacking.... or may be it will become clear with time... well.. i believe its the former.... but time will tell.... anyway

india.... doing bad in champions trophy :(

i am meeting an old friend from campus..lets see how it goes....

and forgot to mention...
i felt nice that our guide took us out after quals .......:D

anyway... get back to work dude.... start writing... oh god......

My writing

I have been working on writing something or the other forever or so it seems...

I worked on getting a report done..... now i have to work on a chapter for a book... and very soon one more paper.... Dont know... writing does not seem to be very intellectual work to me.. i know there are many people... esp my prof.. who treat it as very intellectual..... hopefully someday I also will feel the same......

anyway.......................

quotes

A person is never happy except at the price of some ignorance.

When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.

Quals...

i passed my quals...

so i am officially in as a Phd student....

my prof wants me to finish by 2008 aug..... which means... i have less than 2 yrs to finish......i dont know what to say and do!!!!

anyway......

festivals in austin

Austin has been a real place whenever there are festivals...

especially with the kind of cooks we have...

Diwali... was special.... i cnat evn mention what all i ate!!

Id... wasnt it fun..

another small observation... when mutton exits ... man its too good.... way way better than anything else!!!

One more thing I need to work on is patience... anyway!!!

tomorrow ...i have a presentation... and i hope i am gender neutral there!!!!

You dont know

someday you just dont know..... so it sucks!!!!

interestng quotes

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible.

Why

why do small things affect me...

why do i give so much importance to stuff thats not worth it and spoil my mood!!!!

anyway

an interesting topic..

was chatting with a friend and comes the big topic...

some people hate the place i stay... because the people here are weird......

yes.. it is not easy to acclimitise to any country.. other than yours... but that does not make the culture of the place / people of the place bad....

i would always say i prefer living in my country to here... however that is not because the place i now live in is bad....

first of all it is important to accept that .... there r goods and bads everywhere.... just bcos u r from a particular country to say everything there is fine is utter foolishness..... however... since you are brought up in that climate.... you dont even realize soemthings.... so a stint outside your country helps..... it provides you an exposure to see what goes on in the other parts of the world and lets you out of the frog in the well atitude....

of course as a person your biases will influence the way u look at things... a person who has strong liking towards going back would always find reasons to say the country your living is bad.... but however... its always better to say..i am better fit to my country... and the new place is different.... saying the people in the new country are bad/mad is not right.....

the point is just because they/us are born in a different country does not make us/them superior or inferrior to anyone........ so live and let live.. like your country more.... but dont hate the country you live.. thats not the way to go..... is what i feel!!

yesterday's post

was suppossed tow rite this yesterday... just cud nt get to it

was a sweet day... i spent time for myself... felt great.. one fo the very few times i spend time... i worked out.. had a long nice shower.... and it felt real good... dont know why...

especially with the kinda vacuum created for me... its important i get to enjoy tome for myself... anyway.......

arbit day

there are days when you feel.. you dont know whats happenning

your advisor feels your writing sucks.... i agree it does.... so!!
I have not been writing for years.... anyway...its a thing i will work on

then you feel lonely.. is nt it weird that everybody (includes me!!) are living a life of their own... dont know it kinda feels weird... friends!! some of them... seem weird..... its not because of the way they behave.. anybody would behave like that in their position... but it kinda feels weird..

especially when you know you dont have someone!!

i dont know what i am getting at.. anyway

lots of work to catch up.. but workout first :)

I hate loosing

i dont know...

i hate when I loose.. esp when i know i could have won... if you play 100% and loose...thats great.. but a match you can win!! god that sucks!!!

vibha

well... i am very happy to have finished 5km..(its not many!!).... without a stop... a good sign of my improved stamina.... and i hope i can improve that further... anyway

its a nice feeling..after the run... and eating salad...(i should say lettuce:D)
now its back to work...

man...... i got a lot of that to do!!

Nobel Prize

nobel prizes have been declared this year.......

it was nice to see the guy from bangladesh get it for a really ncie orgqanization set up.

it kind of brings things into perspective... what are we doing ..how relevant is what we are doing to the lives of so many poor, deprived people all over the world... well the answer is nothing... it is not very easy to accept it!!

may be someday.... if at least as a part of something..if you ca help the downtrodden to stand on their legs and improve the standard of living...your life will have a meaning

Lets see

Weekend Blues

this weekend i have lots of things to do... infact i have so many things that i am just not able to do even one thing well.... anyway... i hope to handle it better

yesterday's trip to sphagetti ware house was cool.... the food was nice....... especially the bread with cheese.... and of course the tiramisu

before the trip my friend was here... it felt nice talking to her after a long time.......

life moves on..... accepting that is important..... the person move on..... you have newer commitments... newer set of people to satisfy.... and newer contacts to be made... when will i learn that!!!

gen

interesting day.....
had 3 classes..... man were they painful...
i really didnt feel like sitting through them today... dont know why... there are days where you feel the courses you do are not very helpful... anyway...

then my workout went well... i increased my weights.. n its the first week!! .... lets see

then i found during the workout i could read a paper...... that was real fun ... and i did like it... so i know my thursday workout times are not waste of time :D

then ice cream was cool........ and time passed real fast.......

now its time to work........

quotes...

The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.

Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--/ I took the one less traveled by, / And that has made all the difference.

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

fuuny!!!

"If God wants I will obviously lead the side one day."

Mohammad Yousuf bypasses Pakistan's national selectors

i just cant stop laughing!!

Too many things to post

well, well....

first.... my workout sessions have been going on regularly..... today was the first time i increased the weights a little bit.. man was it tough... got nearly lugged but finished my quota... so pleased...

second... you can see that i am writing lots of reports and so the nice bulleted format... sent some drafts to my seniors... lets see how things go..

third... vibha walk is coming up and i plan to pledge some donations... i have friends who are working... so they should be able to afford some money.... lets see

fourth... i have a long week ahead..... and lots of work... too many to even list..

fifth .... will have to finish "Catcher in the rye" soon :D

orkut fortune

"Your winsome smile will be your sure protection"

wish I had a winsome smile.... through which i could control the world :D

interesting ha

Life is so weird......

changes occur... sometimes you are unsure about it.... you get pained !! wondering should that change have occurred....

I am really wondering... should that change have occurred!!!!

I know the answer.. that is why I am worried.......

there are things that one will and should tolerate...

those are things that you would expect your freinds to understand when you are in such position... but there are things you just cant but get pained.....

this leads to questions!! why!!!

anyway......

tried a new curry for the first time... was really good....

Italian cuisine...

well... its a little bland for me.....
but u need to choose correctly to like it and i m learning well :D

ofcourse i have developed liking for salads with proper dressing... i love ranch :D

Hmmm

why does life become....... so complex!!!

timely orkut fortune

You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy

i always wondered how important it is to be starightforward versus diplomatic...

If I know somebodyis wrong I find it very difficult not to mention it and carry on as if nothing has happenned... even if that thing is not a big thing.. i find really difficult..... may be because i feel it is like fooling yourself that you accept... i feel its a way you encourage the other person/thing to happen in a similar way again...... i know that has its drawbacks... you might end up quarrelling for trivial things.... but if you exercise restraint in trivial things and exhibit your feelings in things that matter thats ideal.. but if you sit down silent and be diplomatic i feel its wrong!!

Then... I am at the stage of life where people who are about 25 and single find it really weird !!

It was different for me.. but i was effectively single even in the past... now the fact that i consider myself single.... its even harder... dont know why...... I am not alone.... I know other friends of mine who feel similarly..........

It is weird is all i can say.......... it is not possible to put into words anthing more!!!
May be its because you know there is a vacuum... nobody exists to understand and accept you as you are..... (apart from your family!!)

Random thoughts

There are times when you feel scared... when it is really difficult to comprehend life...
why somethings happen... and those to some people.....
Those thoughts move you so much .. They influence your life... The really tough decisions you need to take.... May be it is foolish to be influenced by those thoughts.. But you cant help it....

Everything in life is a result of a series of inspirations... You try things out and realize you eithe r love them or not.... You pursue things with a vigor if you lover them......... and some scare the wits out of you... sometimes giving you comfort in really hard decisions....

As far as I am concerned, so far, I had to make only one really tough decison that will affect my life.... Whenever I think about it... it hurts.... i feel guilty....... but the scary thoughts comfort me.... may be its for the good......

what can i do !!!

Time to move on

I have successfully passed my quals.......

and yesterday was fun with all my friends here....

now its time to move on....... i have lots of things to finish... I should speed up things and work hard!!!!!

one of those weird orkut fortunes

You and your wife will be happy in your life together

Dussehra fun

wow... what a weekend it was....

we went to Emma Long Park... played volley .. cricket... frisbey... and had a small swim... it was fun....

was a long ..long tlak session... dont know how it went... hoping everything turns out well....

kinda loosing the vision and purpose in life... have to get back on track... tomorrow se.....!!!

lets see....

Perspective

Life teaches a lot....

when I was in my btech (rather abt to finish my btech) i thought i have seen everything... i can handle anything and I am equipped to face the world.......... oh man was I wrong!!!!

Throughout my grad school..... I have met so many people.... none of whom who fall into the bracket of the kind of people i know.... its actually scary to see this...... but thats life... you make mistakes... you learn..... another important difference especially for a person like me... who interacts very little with americans .... the number of people you meet is small..... and once a group is formed you restrict yourself to that group and do not elt any new comers.... that is where the difference starts.... in IIT you meet new people .... make new freinds and see many like minded people ... here you have a small group with whom the time spend is immense....... nearly as much as you tend to spend in a family...... thats when you see a person inside out.... and you see so many disagreements...... not that i am agreeable to others!
I being a very emotional kind who once lets a person into the inner circle spends time...thinking abt him/her a lot.... which i am realizing is not the right way... so i am working on it...... lets see how far that it will take.... live life... have fun... make friends... they can live on their own.. and you better live on your own... "I" was never important to me..... now..i have to give it more importance..... (Ofcourse i impose myself on people... so i tend to get what i want.. thats unconcsious... i dont do that consciously....)
i dont know what life has in store for me.... i am slicha scared looking forward......

Small things that mean nothing to most people influence me... i know the person does not do it intentionally..... but it has its effect!!! anyway.....................

got a gift......liked it and as usual am happy :D

Sem and life

The semester has become hectic.... with assignments and stuff....

the courses.. especially econo -ii is really fun... i like the way the prof teaches...and am learning lot of stuff...

then networks is as usual fun... the prof a little too picky with details and slghtly too many problem stes!!

then traffic is cool.... going on well....

research .. well i ahve lot to do and soon..... so its gonna be a busy 3 months ahead!!!

A day to ponder on

a very different....

been sometime since i talked heart to heart.......

I dont know what went wrong.. but it did for sure.....

It was good talking like that..... it surely brought up things that when u keep thinking alone dont come up... its heartening...... of course there are things that need to change.... on all sides..... but all parties are willing to make an effort....

coming to my own issues.... i know i behave rudely sometimes... indifferently to a person sometines.... its not intented that way.... it happens... i will try to change that....... its a result of something else...... however... it is important to realize my limitations... i cherish somethings..when i miss them everything related becomes painful...... anyway!!!

lets see what the future holds..............
I am sure i will make a sincere effort towards improving things... and i will work towards that...

signing off with hope.................

one more assignment

one more day.... one more assignment...

how long will I be working on HW's.... i am getting too old for them...

Waiting for the day where i set HW's rather than do them ;)

My Schedule

well.... dont know how long it will last ....

but i am working hard to make it work....

work outs on tuesday n thursday.....

and then volley on saturday....

its been fun.... now for abt 3 weeks....

I hope it continues.........................

Especially i need time like that!!!!! with the annoying things that go around me....

dont know if everybody feels that way.............. But i strongly do!!!

if only...............................................................................

well.................................

the point i dont understand is .... everybody seems to be fine (may be not everybody!!)
why the hell do I need to even think abt it....

learn to be indifferent...... it helps always...........

will try!!!

weird ha

there will be days........ where things seem weird..... and u cant stand some people........

just cant stand..... may be its something about them...... you find they have lost that something.... and obviously that person cannot see that........

anyway.... why do I worry !!!!!

These are days..... where I feel if I am being stupid..... i dont know the answer......

But I am like that.... and I know I cant help it...........

anyway........ back to coding... btw coding is coooooooooooooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.........

unfare World

what an unfare world we live......

i am talking about the independence struggle that India went through to send british out of it...

people sacrificed lives......


every person in the world would have heard of "Mahatma Gandhi"..... his ideals very well documented.... taught in schools from childhood.....

I personally do not approve of Gandhian Philospy...

People who followed other philosphies were suppressed during the struggle... why...only Gandhi's way is credited for our independence.... he was one....out of the many.... where are those many... what happenned....they are lost in the sands of time....

Of course.... they achieved their goals... fighting for their motherland..... what a noble goal it is !!!

I dream of such a birth during that times.... trying to fight for "Poorna Swaraj".... it makes life so much more livable... an aim... a precious goal..........

just wish to find a strong aim............

gen

there are days where you feel happy to be alone..... today is one of those!!!

reasons for that might exist or not....................... but the feeling is very strong!!!

interestin weekend

was an interesting weekend.....

watched "a musical" then a gult movie..... i enjoyed it.......
i guess you have to be in the mood to watch a movie to ensoi it... if not u spoil ur own fun and do disturb others...anyway...

two b'days in 2 days... one was quiet.. the other noisy.....

they were different.....

oc course its obvious that in the noisy one there were too many girls.... i somehow feel odd when girls outnumber guys... may be because of being in iit where the sex ratio is so poor....

anyway................

Broadway Hairspray

An interesting thing I did today...

I.... the mass man!! watched a Broadway musical.... well dont know how to describe the experience.... it was interesting .... i liked it... i had fun.... and i felt..u need to watch more to appreciate it.............

volley as usual was great...........

and some problem of a friend... i wish everything turns out to be good...

Friends....

one of those interesting chats....

well heard an interesting statistic... you make friends with 10% of the guys you meet and only 5% of the girls you meet.......

Well i dont know how of it is true........

anyway..... guys are so clear hearted and are easy to see....

girls on the otherhand have their own plans in life...... and wishes and other stuff......

it is impossible to understand them....
anyway...

life goes on.....

Arguments.... esp with girls

I always like discussing issues.... though i have very strong opinions and thus leading to arguments..... but always whenever the other person is a girl.... its really very difficult to argue naturally for me.... I am afraid that I will hurt the person.... I am not one who starts these strong discussions with girls, because I feel they end up taking it less sportingly compared to guys... with guys you need not be so careful !!........

may be i make this assumption wrongly... but somehow i know there is a difference when i argue with a girl and with a boy.....

anyway............

Funny

When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow"

its funny yet.... it seems to be ridiculously true for so many guys!!!!!!!

god help them...........

Scehdule

I have considered myself a night person......
i was actually very producive in the early mornings during my childhood.... i used to get up at 3.00 am and study for 2 hrs and sleep ................those periopds were very productive.....

once i reached my +1 and +2 however all of that changed i could not get up at all in the morning... however i learned to stay up late.. the habit intensified in my undergrad........

even in my first 2 years at ut Austin... i pretty much slept late and got up late..... to work... i remember the numerous night outs for so many assignments..so many deadlines.... and all.....

now .... for my quals... which will be held at 8.00 am.... i tried to get up early for sometime before the exams.... i got up around 7-8....... which is way early by my standards.... for that i slept around 12-1 am...... after my quals... i did not try to get back to my old schedule... the biggest question is shud i get back or not....
i am still thinking... i have tried for the last 2-3 weeks... the morning session works ok types..... still i feel some uneasiness throughout the day.... i am not used to working so much time in the day i guess...... anyway... lets see...

the schedule this sem sounds hectic... with so much CEMDAP work...... my bicycle project.... my safety paper...... then add to that my 3 courses.... all of that makes one hell of a sem!!! i am looking forward to..... lets see

One more to the God's tally

What a player he is.....

I am in an era where many sports are seeing athletes that are competing not very much with their counterparts but with history.....

For instance ... michael schumacher....or schumi.... has won so many races more than anybody ever...... and still he is fighting to win more... and whats more he has a chance to win one more championship before he retires....

then Tiger Woods.... still winning many in golf....

and of course Federer the best ever tennis player to have played!!!!

oh man ... what all he does.... on the tennis court is simply amazing and very close to impossible to believe........... he has won his 9th.... the questions for him ...as far as i m concerned are.....
1) when will he win a French
2) how many ..... i wud love to see 9 more...... but my guess for Federer.... is 18......

lets see........ how well i will do on the guess

the ever present topic

at the age that I and the people around me are... i guess this is something unavoidable ... even if you consciously do not want to talk abt it........... and it is very weird and sometimes feels odd the way people think.. and the way i think.... but somehow still i feel i will do what i feel i should do.... yes.. agreed i have not been in such situation directly.. that does change things... but still i refuse to believe that it will change so much!!.... sometimes i feel may be something is wrong with me.... but still i cant change thats how i am... and thats what makes me happy naturally...... anyway!!!

had an interesting chat at mozarts..... it was good to hear the views from a diffferent perspective... but the thing is i tried to make somethings clear to my friend... the person knows all of those pretty well and chose to do what .. is doing now.... so its better...... lets see how it goes!!

the question i dont understand why i end up provinding counsel.. when i m not the patient kind and know they wont see what i see!!!!!

life is something!!!!

Complex issues

there are issues that i will never feel comfy with in life....

i do not understand somethings .... may be i think too much... Or may be i tend to take in all thats wrong... whatever be the reason i spend too much time trying to figure out... knowing clearly that its not worth it... anyway... i am fighting it... i would be indifferent if need arises very soon... and i think it will arise..... or even if it does not..... its not for long..................

had a nice chat..... and its scary to know what people have gone thru... suddenly u feel u have been thru nothing and make fuss of stuff that is not so bad... anyway!!

been sometime

been sometime since i blogged......

my novel "the negotiator" is keeping me up till 2 in the night....

i odnt know how long i can keep this schedule....

but i been coming to office by 10...... which is very early by my standards..... but somehow i have not yet felt I am getting lot of work done!!

but its been ok.... i started work on my new code ...estimations... etc.....

and there will be things i am confused about..... i dont know!!!!

Dilemma

it is very difficult to understand myself !!!!!!!!!

Lage raho and cooking

Went to lage raho munna bhai...

ok types comedy movie...
the senti and comedy of the pair was good..... though a little too much of gandhian philosphy... but it was ok....

it was good to clean the house finally!!!.....
hope it stays like that for a while....

i cooked lots of stuff today.... and it went well.....................

The Long Weekend

The long weekend has begun...........

So what will I be doing....

I have decided its time I get back to work....

I have my safety paper to work on..... apart from the CEMDAP stuff.....

Will try to make progress

and also I have my course material to accumulate..........

Of course I would do it an easy pace.....

Will have fun with tennis and other stuff.....

But will try to accpet the fact that I am alone in the world and the gap that has formed is hard to be filled.....and it will ahve a lasting mpact on my life.....

anyway ..thats life!!

An interesting conversation

I thought only I had certain questions.... looks like I am not alone!!

Quals

done with them...

today's paper was quite interesting ....

lets see how it goes

my insane nature

I have always fought with this weakness of mine.....

i always want to finish the paper early....
it doe not make a difference what exam i write unless i conciously putfight.. i did put fight for a long time in undergrad and today i have lost all the control...
the papers were relatively easy though...

expecting everything goes well............

A coincidence....

I went to have my lunch and saw a person... who resembled one of my friends.....

in fact i nearly went and asked if" you are that person.... "

in the last moment i felt the person was not who I knew..... But what a coincidence that I had to see that person today.....

I am in a dilemma.... i dont realize why i even think of some people who needed me in their hour of trouble.... and conveniently forgot me!!!! I know they are not worth my time and still I waste my time... of course being angry with them!! and kinda screw up my mood......

I somehow feel bad some people act because someone else suggests them to act that way!! i feel its absolutely ridiculous............... cant they use their brain!!!!! well.... if they had....things would be different....

anyway i have my quals tomorrow and better things to think about..................

and i need to plan my long weekend..............

good news for me

my sis got the seat she wanted in jntu college hyd.....

good that she will do what she wants there!!!

I am fighting hard to study.......for my quals... today has been productive!!!

ok got to study........

gen

there r days u will feel u r alone in life......................

The Namesake 2

well... i finished it.....

i dont know what to tell/write...... it is very moving.......

asking questions that i always did not feel comfortable asking myself.......

but its a very good book..... describing the feelings really well..... and the ending was awesome....

i shud admit i have become a fan of jhumpa lahiri.........

The Namesake

what can i say.... i just love it... its a very well wriitten novel....

and i shud say very moving......

i am unable to put into words the emotions its stirs in me.......

but i m happy I am reading it today....

in an hour or so i will finish it.................................

and then may be get back to my quals preparation!!!

god knows what I am doing

as the day ends i hope it was a great day.... i know I am being foolish!!!

today in india........

i clearly know what today is.....

I am here studying.... i have something so that i can try to forget............
i just hope its that easy for everyone............

i hope its a a great day................................

Preparation

I dont know whats happenning...
i dont even know if I am tense/scared about the exams.....

its a pain waiting for the exam....................................

My Qualifiers

well... i have my quals... coming up..... i am feeling the tension....

have lost the habit of sitting in exams... to write a 2 days examination will be something....

i have 5 papers on the first day... and one ...yes only one for 8 hrs!!... on the second....

my subjects...
prob stats..
applied math..

OR not or

Traffic..
Networks...

and of course the 8 hr exam in my area.....

dont know how i will sit through them..... i need to behave like good old undergrad days...where i cud sit and write exams...... lets see!!

Interesting quotes

If mankind minus one were of one opinion, then mankind is no more justified in silencing the one than the one - if he had the power - would be justified in silencing mankind.

Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.

The philosophy of one century is the common sense of the next.

People

People in this world are so different. every person has a very unique personality. The priorities set are very different. For some they cant stay away when a cricket match occurs and for another that seems utterly ridiculous.. there are people who put careers on their line for the so called "love"... there are people who put their families under tremendous pressure for acheiveing the so called "fame"... For some dance is a passion.. for some sports are.... but for others who dont see this view they are utterly useless .... The most essential characteristic is to appreciate the fact that people are different and so are their priorities.... the day you can accept this and make it a part of your priciples you can lead a pleasanter life. However there will still be priorities that you cannot accept..... so such people will be kept at a distance!!
what is the threshold? ... (Dont ask me!!)
there are people who are patient (or may be they dont prioritize friendships!!) who can tolerate a lot.. there are some who try to arrive at a select group of friends and live happily with them!!

Add to this another dimension of who is really happy...... Well I am not educated enough to answer this.... But I believe as an individual you can be patient to an extent that you can permit...there will always be like minded people (that fall within your threshold!!).... search for them..... and be happy.......

I feel compromising on the threshold will in the long run make you unhappy...... but if a person is on the edge do spend time to analyse to see if the person fall into your threshold..... and then proceed......

Life is interesting.................. and it shall continue to charm !!

My Trip

What a week it has been

Nothing is more pleasant than spending time with your friends from IITM

We had a great time ....... Be it the long drives..... the longer chat sessions.... the lake ... the trek... the ship tour..... the biking....... and most of all the company!!

wish all of us were in the same univ....

but one thing thats very evident is all of us might be travelling in slightly different directions... but we respect each other ... So we appreciate the way the other person thinks......

Now its time for me to get back to work......
especially with my quals...

Wont be Blogging for sometime

Will be out of Austin for a week from tomorrow.....

I am looking forward to the break... It should be fun.... and at the same time the break I need...

Once I get back i will have to start studying for quals in full swing....
of course i will think about quals from next tuesday... till then i will have fun....

Till i get to Chicago I decided I will read "Anna Karenina"....

I simply cant belive that I am reading a book like this.... (no contemporary serial on either hindi/gult channels can beat it for the familiar family twists... But still Tolstoy has something I cant express in words that just makes me read it.... it is not a small book mind you.... 740 pages!!)

anyway.... till I am back in austin I will miss my blogging.... I kinda started loving it :D

Doubts..............

Why do I get emotional in my friendships is an issue I never figured out..... It is not a very good thing!! Once I get emotional I start looking how strong is the freindship from the other side... I remember vividly right from my +2 that I was having such issues... I still have the problem....

If there is something I feel I do not handle well ..... this is it... I hope someday very soon I will solve the issue for good...................

Not many persons in this world are worth a part of your time.......... Even after knowing that very clearly I tend to waste my time for people I should not !!!

The day I can overcome this I will have a huge proportion of time for myself !!

Just waiting for that day......

Action Packed Weekend

What a weekend....

started off with my jogging :D
then I went to see OMKARA.... I liked it .. It was well handled I thought!!

Then the party ... What an awesome dineer.....
I loved everthing that was cooked... the menu well is not very long..so I will list it

Main course
Bisibella bath
Dum Aloo
Shahi Paneer
Baingan
Egg Curry

Mutton curry (urs truly's best ever dish :D )
Mutton Biryani....

Desserts
Kheer
Gazar ka halwa
Fruit custard...

Everything was so good......

then we saw GODAVARI to top it off

I loved the movie....

And in the mean time I did get lot of chapters done for my qualifiers...
So it has been a productive weekend!!

Godavari

Wow... a really nice movie... I just loved it....

I know it is not very quickly that opinions change in some issues.... But of late I am perceiving some change in myself..... I dont know lets see... the movie furthered my doubts.....

My thoughts aside..... the movie was a perfect definition of a feel good movie... i loved the way the subject was handled and the director will be one whose movies I will always see....

Until his next movie............

OMKARA

My action packed weekend began.....

We went to Omkara..... It was good.... I knew the story.... Since I read many of the reviews and also heard of the novel........ But still it was very well picturized...... I would say it was very well taken.... Vishal bharadwaj, the director, did well with the screenplay..... However, I still would not rate him as a very good director.... atleast not yet.... I feel story is the most important aspect of a movie.... If a director just has to contemporarise a movie then its only half cooked!!
However it's an interesting idea ...contemporising the movies.... something i think i like.....


My quals prep is going on ok........... have lot to study................

Interesting Times

We started the CEMDAP run..... we expect the results this time to match the live counts well...lets see....

My qualifier prep has started..... Its not in full swing yet... but i am happy i started it.... have some small targets to finish before my trip......

Started jogging again..... Now that the summer is over and that i decided to work from home I can afford to run for a while.... I know keeping fit and being in good shape is good...But somehow I cannot allocate time for it consistently... Lets hope I will run for a while..... I started with about 2 miles today...

I hope to run a marathon someday... i know for which I will need to spend decent amount of time...especially with the shape I am in now... I mean stamina wise... I can run 2 miles with comfort..... so I slowly need to raise to 5-6 if I have dreams of running the marathon... Of course with 3 courses and lot of RA work it is not a possibility this fall.... Hopefully next year....

anyway...........................................

I dont know..... It is good to hear that friends care abt u !! But i had my reasons for feeling the way I did..... I had my own issues that I had to sort out.... so was not in a good frame... i guess now everything is back to normal....

My situation has not improved....but i think i have finally made my decision... so it is all ok now... i have to handle it .. i know...so i will......

now to quals........

Another One

 

My new talent :D

 

one of those rare days!!

 

The person I missed!!

I know I was wished by almost everybody that mattered to me!!

I knew I would miss one person!!

I dont know.... even after knowing it hurts!!

anyway...............

My B'day

So far so good.......

Was happy that so many people remembered it !!
I guess with orkut the number seems to to grow a lot !!

also happy that some people took lot of trouble to make it to the cake cutting!!

hoping that the rest of my day also flies of well............

B'day

Well..... Today is my b'day....
lets see how the day goes...

my sister did well in an exam and she should be getting thru in JNTU......
I am happy for her.....

also my blog has crossed 1000 views..interesting stat for my blog..i never expected so many viewers :D

Another weekend will fly by

The last one month I think weekends have been hectic not with work though... with my friends..... not a bad thing i think especially after the loaded summer.. But soon I should start working for my quals.. I think this will be the last weekend where I will spend time like this.........
From monday its work as usual !! and also I need to knock down some more chapters of probability and Statistics!!

Lets see ...................... how things will move on!!

Schedule Till my Trip

Hmm....
Hope CEMDAP meeting goes well in Dallas...
have some code issues to work... Have to finish them!!


Qualifiers...
When am I gonna start!!

and it will be a busy weekend!!

The Chef team

Dont think too much about me

Its upto you to find who that title is for :D

B'day rehearsal

No prizes for guessing why I am so happy

Austin- near 2 yrs!!

I have been returning to post a lot.......
This is associated to the fact that I spend a lot of time alone....

I usually do spend a lot of time alone in my basement office... but at least in the morning time I used to have company...Now for various reasons I wont have that company!!
One of my good friends is finishing her Phd.. So her place will be vacant..... I will have to get used to that fact..... and then another office mate is heading to India..... So that leaves me alone [:(] in the office.......at least for a month may be.... I have to blog to keep my social contact (:D) ........

Anyway
Have to start my quals preparation........
Have to finish some stuff for the paper....

Have lots of stuff to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


But the reason I started this blog was different... It is to see my 2 years in Austin .....

Professionally.......

Well, I guess i did decently in the courses (I surely should have done better with my grades!)
Research has two fronts, the publishing part and the other part is the research for funding.....
Without any doubt I spent most of my time in the latter... It is very useful practically but wont allow the opportunity to publish much... on the former, I did get one in my first summer. I hope to get one more this summer...... But I think I did gain a lot of knowledge and technical know how that should keep me in good stead but surely I have a lot more to learn and very little time... I need to work on that front

Personally....

It was all great until I went to India...... In india I had issues...... I could not resolve them... I tried after coming to austin... But things did not work out.... Dont know !! I should have tried harder.... But i could not push beyond a limit.... I have this feeling of guilt for not being able to keep my word.. that would leave a mark on me forever!! For now there is nothing I can do.....

Freinds.........

It was not all rosy even with friends I guess..... The kind of personality i have i make friends and people i cant talk much to.... Fortunately for a long time the former group was way larger than the second group..... But slowly i feel that the former group has dwindled...because of graduations...... The new students hopefully this year will fill the voids!! I desperately hope so!!
It is necessary to have a large grp........ so that i dont just talk about work and my guide all the time...... anyway!!

Well thats all I guess!!

orkut fortune

"A friend asks only for your time not your money"

Well....... thats what happens most of the time...... you dont get time in return :D

War on Terror

Everybody in the world is concerned about the mumbai balsts...except the people who can act!!

I have had friends here ask me if everything is alright after mumbai...and what is the government doing to act!!

What should i say...
Everybody knows the people involved in this drastic act stay across the border honing their skills of making bombs and blowing up trains... under the careful guidance of ISI.... but still we talk of the useless peace process..... What is the solution to this problem!!.....
Look at Israel...... the lebanese killed 9 ..yes u read it right 9 people.. For that they started the war on lebanon killing more than 300 innocent civilians... is it right ..obviously not... but israel does not give a damn about lives of people in other countries when their citizens are at risk.... What the hell is our government doing... each country makes its own destiny... you sit back and take it..every damn country will give it to you... With the kind of leverage we should be exerting in this world what we are doing is close to nothing... common the leaders in power.... please!!!! i beg you..please wake up!!! and start acting like people with a spine.....

We are calm Dr.Man Mohan!!! We just dont want the government also to be calm..... attack the damn terrorist camps and eliminate them....

Dont act as we are ready to be blasted please come and do it kinds..... Plz for Godsake...we had enuf deaths till now...and we dont need any more!!!!

Appearance

Why on earth should appearance matter?

This is something I believe.... I tend to outrightly reject the point that appearance can and will influence the way you are looked upon...

The first time a person is seen he is judged based on the appearance... but once you are known as a person you should not be.. The first impression stays on agreed but still it should not influence the people so much that they cannot appreciate the good part of you just because they dont appreciate your appearance... If that's how it is... I would say "Go to Hell" to such people... they are too superfluous!!

For example if you are a prof and teach a class.... the fact that you are not at your best might and will influence a certain portion of class not to listen to your lecture.. I feel that portion of the class, in the first place, would not have heard the lecture for some other reason if not this... so dont care. As a prof you should invest time in certain things like preparing for the class and stuff... But not on getting ready !! (looks wise!!)

Of course I agree I have strong views But I will stick to them at any rate....

But time will come when I will have to decide how I will be and i believe I know the answer!!

Anyway............back to work !!!

Random Thoughts

I started reading lots of stuff, off late...... be it novels..be it blogs.. I do read a lot....

I do believe that reading helps to broaden your perspective in life... Things that you are in no way related to come up if you read some random novels and random pieces.... I read a very nice article about understanding the people who form the minority in a particular issue (ex: being left handed !!)

Work......

Dont know what I am doing!!..... the work I am doing for now is some real ****...........

It takes a long time and yet is not done...I hope to finish it sooooooooooooooooooon!!

Gen

Been sometime since I blogged....

Life has been in slow motion for a while...My prof has taken a break.. So did I.. I guess I needed one!! Now I have to start thinking ahead... After my second summer in US.... I feel I have made reasonable progress... But its what I do from now that will decide where I will be in 2-3 years from now.... I have my qualifiers sometime in august... Have to start preparing for that.....

I , on the research side, have been happy with my progress. I felt I was learning stuff everyday..... But from now on I need to start reading a variety of texts to improve my knowledge!! Lets see what I will do....

Before that i have a gauss code to finish :)

Federer - The God

Fedi has done it... Thank God.....

I was so tense... man what a match....
he started in a great way....... but rest of the match was close...but he pulled through!!!
He committed unforced errors in the 3 rd set tie break.... Apart from that it was an awesome display!!

Nadal was a fighter!! and he did his bit ........ He fought and was a gracious loser... it was just that fedi was too good!!!

And my night out was worth it !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well.... also I loved his blazer....... It suited him I think :D

Fedi did it...

I am so happy ... I dont feel like sleeping now :D

The countdown ..its his 8th.............. atleast 6 more to go!!!!

July continues and Wimbledon

Well, the last two days have been crazy!!

Dont know when I am sleping and when I am up!!!

Anyway... the CEMDAP runs finally seem to have reached a point where they should be better....

Wimbledon has been going on fine....

Mauresmo won the ladies final.... well she more than deserved to... she has a game better than most others in the women's circuit..... but her temparament (till today!!) was suspect.. she will win more grandslams for sure..... but how many... let history decide!!

then coming to the big thing the Federer Vs Nadal Final... I to be honest did not want Nadal to reach the Finals.... dont know what federer is thinking....But he somehow needs to win this... If he looses on grass ... Oh God I wont be able to see that!!!!!

hoping and wishing him all the best!!!

Life enters July

Been some week.....................
My prof after I worked hard for 8 months on one of his great ideas feels its not worth publishable so wants me to work on something else.... if only he could have thought about it 8 months before.... Of course I learnt a lot........... Still when you know its not gonna culminate in a paper it hurts!!

I started work on the other idea.....

apart from that life has been normal....

We celebrated the b'day of a good friend today!!

It was nice!!

god knows!!!

Today's fortune:
You and your wife will be happy in your life together

i cant even comment !!!

Friends (especially if they are girls)

Friends .... I always wanted to know what makes someone a good friend to me...... I have a great group of guys from undergrad...... with whom I never feel weird.... I always see it is a give and take relationship ....and they are around when you need them.....

With the girls (undergrad and grad) ..... however i cannot say that with conviction ...... dont know why.... may be I was conservative to get so close to a girl that I am sure about what she thinks......... or may be because i give in a lot................ i know i do.... i have to change!!

and then .... undergrad you had a huge group of people to chooce from and I chose my group....
the grad life in US..... I was not that fortunate....... i did not have such a huge choice set.... but i did make some great friends...... one of the guys most close to me moved at the end of my first year.... i miss the long discussions... but i always feel great when i talk to him........ Slowly new friendships strengthened...... only to slowly start dissolving a bit........ Still once in a while i feel nobody understands me....... I am sure I am right...anyway...

Coming to the girls..... because of the unique behavior each girl has her own way..... at some point you will feel weird with everybody... i feel something is missing when its a girl !!

anway................. life inspite of all this moves on........................

Summer

Today's fortune:
Time is the wisest counselor

I hope so.....................

Summer has well and truly begun....
its hot out here in Austin.... both the weather and research.......

I just e-mailed a draft to my guide...... and i sure will have a sleepless night...

I hope this will change someday...

Till then... i will be tense whenever I mail him something

Lets see what he thinks about it!!

Life...... has to go on

Well...... I am beginning to realize the efffects of my decision........ I find myself realizing that it wont be easy to handle it... But still... work will be my companion........ and it would be a good one...

One of my good friends was here for the weekend.... it was good talking to him..... after abt 2 years... good to hear from someone else that he woiuld have acted similarly given the constraints I had.... Of course I am not trying to say I am correct... I will always feel if only I had the guts!!...but the fact is I cant do it..without my parents consent...anyway!!!

Pokiri was decent...the perfect mass entertainer... Puri jagannath is good :D

My paper is due tomorrow... need to work hard...... and get it done!!

Lets go there!!

Advisor

Hmmm... my advisor...
dont know what to say....

I was suppossed to give a paper in December..... Before going to India....I could not..... then we had a change of idea.... we shifted to a new model... started working on it and I had my semester ..with 3 courses... and CEMDAP...... and with all this i finished my analysis and had to write a paper... today he asks why did it take so long!!

i dont know how to respond....

anyway... life still goes on

Sports stuff

Today's Orkut fortune:
You will always have good luck in your personal affairs

I wish it was true....anyway

Watched the French open... I was very dissappointed.... Nadal played well..but federer committed too many errors..... It was tough for him on clay..... He still has some ground to catch up...but still he can win french is all i can say... I just hope he will prove it someday... the sooner the better....

Sehwag's typical 180 was awesome and i just love his audacity!!

Time

I am finding it hard to accept.....i still dont think the entire effect of my decision has struck me... It still will take time to sink in.... and when it does.... i will need all my strength to fight it.... I will fight because I know myself..... But still there will be some real bad days ahead......anyway!!
I have lot of work to do...which will help me.....
CEMDAP has been going really well.... I guess we are close to completing the debugging.....
My paper...is not done yet...and I need to put in time to get it done......in fact a lot of time....

lets see how this summer unfolds...the last summer professionally was a bad one.... this one already is bad on the personal front........I am waiting to see how it turns out professionally......
I cant even hope for something!!!

Its over

I dont know how to put it in words.........................................
But its over!!
I dont what will happen........ and how i will recover!!

Timing

Today's orkut fortune:
Your love life will be happy and harmonious

Could not have timed it worse than this I think !!

My Dilemma

My dilemma continues......
I for sure am in a situation which will influence my life..... But still I do not know what to do.... Either solution in front of me is not gonna leave everyone happy..... But should I care more about my life and my happiness and make the decision? Of course there is also her happiness..... then if I go that way it would affect my parents...... But imagining my life without her is really difficult ...i cant even try!!... its simply undescribabale.......... I still continue to ponder over this!!!!
Dont know for how long can I keep thinking!!

What am I suppossed to do

Been fearing that this is what will happen... And finally i recieve confirmation.... What am I suppossed to do...

Did i fail myself... could I have been stronger in arguing... I dont know... I did what I could... But may be that was not enough.... What I cannot understand is if I cant get my choice in the most important decision of my life.... Whats the use of even going through that part of life...... where I would have a choice.... excluding the person I liked most!!

For now... I can only cry!!

Back after sometime

been sometime since I blogged now..... Was busy with my moving .... then conference and very soon work..... I guess summer is here and that means its research time..... today we went to "FANAA"..... it was weird to put it mildly!!....

Life has been going on ok types since the last time i blogged..... I am just getting accustomed to my new house... still i need to move some stuff and finish up on that front...... With the room looks like some other things have changed to.... May be I would prefer them that way for now... I still sometimes feel the emptiness...

I made a trip to the library.... to get more novels... i wish i will be productive on that front....

Yesterday was a nice friend's B'day.... and the treat for that in MP was cool... We thulped.. I had my rava dosai and pongal...the only breakfasts i had in IITM... still miss the rava dosai !!

Life

Well finished my 4th sem at UT Austin... This could be the worst sem for me academically !! But since I am doing Phd grades wont be an issue!! I did do lot of work for my RA (not publishable though!!) But still its work and it will be helpful... We are still working for the conference next sunday!!

But personally this sem I have seen everything from utter despair to many happy moments... learnt many lessons about friends and how to moderate my expectations!! Friendships run in cycles where you will see a peak..... but at somepoint the peak ends....... and from then on it is not the same again... it is very difficult to reach the peak again... with time ... things have to change!! and so do priorities.... it did take time to accept this...I of course feel that it depends on the individual..... may be i still dont know how I will behave when I face such situations (i expect to be a little different for sure!! ).... But now I guess I know what to expect from anyone... So I am more prepared......

There were interesting things happenning for my friends here in Austin and at other places.. I wish that these things just go on smoothly....

Now that the sem is over... summer begins... this is my second summer here.... I hope to get some research done and send papers to TRB..... Lets see how all of that works out...

I will be moving out day after tomorrow........ from my apartment in RR to Speedway.... Lets see how this will affect my stay here......

Orkut Fortune

The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do

I love this one..... I think this is something that I agree to... I get great pleasure in doing stuff people dont want me to do..... Esp my courses :D Of course it has its side effects... a low CG :(

But that wont stop me I guess !!

keep moving !!

Whats Happenning

As I sit here in my office trying to figure whats happenning this sememster I find myself trying to answer questions to which I have no answer. I have an endsem to go. Did really bad in the last one. I dont think I expected to do any better !! I have not attented many classes and during the last month did not even have time to do the assignments!! I have one more endsem to go and the situation in that course is not any better. But I am not sure if i can start studying ... I need a break I guess for 3-4 days where I would just relax.... But till the end of Austin conf I dont see that happenning... So i will try to fight (though I say that without conviction!!) .. May be this is one of the "What am I doing here ? " kind of day......... I am at loss of words to explain i guess.... Have been reading a novel.... i could not sleep..so kept on reading the novel.... I dont think I cared what was happenning in the book.... It was more to delay myself facing the reality fo my exam !!! It seriously raises self doubt!!... Am I not good enough !!! I know I worked a lot on my RA (in fact way too much!!) but still its not a relief !! it still makes me feel I have not been upto it !!
Anyway may be I will try to spend time for the next exam and see..................................

End Sems

Just completed an Endsem... Dont know what to say.. may be I am getting too old for exams... or it is just because I did not like the course... But irrespective of all these.... my grade card would not be great!! thats what matters... Grades!! what do they reflect.... They do not show how much RA work you have to do!! But thats how life is..... I wish I could have spent more time on my courses... Looks like thats gonna become more and more difficult in the future!!

Code and Courses

I sit in my office, on a third nite out in a row ....(i slept for 10hrs in abt 3 days) I am tired... I need a small break i guess.... We have made considerable progress on the code and I for once and all finished my classes this sem... I somehow have not been able to attend many classes this sem and this will surely put additional pressure on me to prepare for the finals... Lets see how i will go about that!!

Pramod Mahajan

The face of BJP in the future is no more. I always liked Pramod Mahajan. The first time I saw him was an interview on TV when he contested the elections to Lok Sabha from Bombay and lost. Inspite of the loss he oozed confidence and talked like a winner. The charisma struck me that day. From then on I was waiting to see if he will be the next generation leader of BJP. I expected someday he will the PM. Alas! it is not to be. What a strange way that too... to die at the hands of your own brother... I feel sad for his family..... May his soul rest in peace

Dressing up

"Simplicity and clarity should be your theme in dress" my orkut fortune

i believe in not dressing up at all... Dont know why but I have never been interested in dressing up. Somehow I feel its a way of creating an impression. Why should I create an impression... that too with my appearance is my arguement... It might seem foolish... but the adamant guy that I am I will stick to it... I would like people who take me as I am and not because how i look. That way I feel I use my dressing sense (or lack of) to connect to only the people who are not superficial (or dont award utmost imp to superficiality!!) ..... Even my long hair was not an intention to be a hep guy.. It was only a manifestation of this rebellion :D ....

Gult guys

I am at the stage where many batchmates (including most of my close friends!!) are making a very important decision in life.... Obvioulsly choosing the life partner...

I have heard all sorts of things from these guys..... i refer only to the gult friends here..... There have been guys who said the girl has to be gult (includes me !! ) ... There are others who said she should be traditional..conservative... ( again I am one of them!!) .... But as the wickets start to tumble (i mean they start finding partners!!) these rules or broad guidelines seem to vanish.... A guy who cant even look at a girl without a bindi ... goes for one who never puts on one !!.... Guys born and brought up in India look towards the ABCD community weirdly!! and a guy falls for her!!.. I am not saying they are wrong or something... Its just that priorities change... I feel its interesting to see all this !! of course they are heading the right way I guess... because thats where they want to go....

I remember what all these guys have said .... So its naturally a little surprising for my conservative self to see these things..... Lets see what more interesting stories I will have to see in the future ...

Amidst all this my future personally is still a blur !!

JOB

A very good friend of mine has been made a job offer.... and most surely she would be staying in austin after Phd..... I am very happy for her :)

All the best for the future !!

Coding ... lets see

I have been trying to understand CEMDAP for about 2-3 days.... I feel if we start looking at the big picture and spend more time we will be able to understand it more clearly. To do this we will need a comprehensive list of the class structures employed and understanding which function is being called in whcih file!!

lets see...we are attempting it today!!

Whats happenning

I have to let out some steam..... this has been a stressful month... I am not used to coding and trying to code without proper time to look into is not very easy... my work now needs results without lag time which works sometimes but in this case is casuing some frustration!!

I have lot to do 3 courses, assignments... research work and my paper ....when will i get this done!!

god knows... may be if the sem is over i will be in better shape..lets see